Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
