We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im part way to drunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
