I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
