he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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