Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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