ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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