Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
