im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
