hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
