Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
