Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
