the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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