Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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