Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
