All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
