i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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