Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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