All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
