i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
