he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
