Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
