If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
