Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize