Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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