I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize