Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
