I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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