booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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