My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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