It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
