Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
