As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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