alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
