what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
