your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
