He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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