I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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