Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
