he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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