you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
