in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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