apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
