is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
