The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
