My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
