i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
