Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
