lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
