The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
