I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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