Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
