I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
