Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
