first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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