My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
