Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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