Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
