ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
