suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
