This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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