I want to have your abortion
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
