You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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