Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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