Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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