she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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