I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
