i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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