I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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