Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
