this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
